ADÁ

“Daddy, I’m not going to law school.” Pin drop silence followed my admission and I watched as my dad glared at me in both horror and stupefaction.

“What are you trying to say Ada?”

For so long, I had battled with the thought of coming out and saying these exact words to my father, but I never thought I’d be brave enough to say it, not ever and especially not in the middle of a family meeting. Mom wasn’t so shocked, but I could see the disappointment in her gaze. I refused to be shaken, I had started, might as well finish.

“Daddy, I can’t continue. I know how much you’ve wanted me to go to law school but if you’ve been listening to me for the past four years, that’s not what I want and I’m tired of wasting years of my life in hopes of maybe.”

“What do you mean if I had listened to you for the past four years? Weren’t you the one who applied for law in the university with your hands? Did I force you?”

“No, you didn’t but⸺”

“Exactly! I didn’t force you so you’ll go ahead and carry on with this course, and continue practicing law.”

That suffocating feeling arose in my chest, the one that came up when I was expected to shut up and when they thought what I was talking about didn’t make sense, the one where I was expected to be the mat everyone could step on and I wasn’t meant to utter a word. Tears blurred my eyes as they always did but I made up my mind that it wasn’t going to end like other times.

“Daddy, I don’t know if you’re hearing me or not, but I am not going to law school, whether you want me to or not, whether you like it or not, I’m not going.” I stood my ground, angry at the lone tear for sliding down my cheek.

Looking from outside, I was aware how this looked; I would probably be labelled as rude or ungrateful or many of the terms that fellow firstborn girls like me were called when they decided to stand up for themselves, but I was done, done with the parent pleasing and done not standing up for myself.

“Is like this girl is mad oo,” he turned to my mom and I knew she hated being in the crossroads but like always, I also knew that she was going to side with him.

“Nna yi, calm down. Maybe we can listen to what she’s trying to say.” Mom said and I was surprised she didn’t first berate me immediately.

“So you’re taking her side?” He turned back to me. “After all I’ve done for you? All I’ve sacrificed for you and you’re just going to throw it away like that?”

“Daddy, I’m not throwing it away⸺”

“What is everyone going to say about me this girl? You want to soil the Okorie name ehn? What will I tell my friends?”

A burning feeling arose in my chest, not only because he cut me off, but because he considered his reputation among his friends⸺friends that didn’t truly care about him, mind you⸺above the happiness of his daughter.

“Daddy, so you care about your friends more than what I’m telling you?”

“Chinelo!!!” Mom warned, ditching the Ada they always called me and going with my full name.

“Mummy am I lying? He’s clearly not listening to what I’m saying and of all things to be bothered about, it is what his friends will think about him? Mummy make it make sense please. Instead of him to ask what my plan is moving forward, or what I want to do instead of law school, he’s telling me about his friends. I am so tired, tired of being the one everyone looks over, tired of having to sacrifice my life and my future because of what you want me to be, and not because of who I actually am, I am tired and I am done.”

I hated the tears that trailed down my eyes, and the way my voice broke as I said the words but I was glad I said them regardless. I had a future to look and plan towards and if I continued this way, I could just see what was going to be expected of me in the future, I wouldn’t bring my future family into that.

Silence followed my words, my siblings moved uncomfortably in their sitting position but I didn’t sense apprehension from any of them and I was glad I didn’t because all the sacrifices I had made up to this point was for them. It would have pained me if my actions were disapproving to them but I’d have carried on regardless.

“I don’t care about any of these things you’re saying. What I know is that you’re going to go to law school, practice law and even do your masters, your feelings be damned.” My dad said and stood up, I was so shocked that I burst into laughter.

It was as if for the first time my eyes were being opened. As long as I did all that they wanted me to do, I was the perfect 10/10 daughter, but if I deviated a bit from the plans they had for me and chose to do things myself, I was no longer perfect and the score began reducing. All of a sudden, I knew that this was how it was going to be for the rest of my life if I didn’t do something. I had to either live for my parents or live for God and myself, I’d rather choose the latter.

I was about to open my mouth to say just that when the Scripture, “Honour your father and your mother so that your days may be long” came to mind and I wanted to rage. Why now? Why didn’t the Scripture parents do not aggravate your children come to my parents’ minds but I knew that them not being obedient to their instruction did not mean that God wasn’t going to hold me accountable for not being obedient to mine so I kept my mouth shut and watched him walk out of the house.

“Are you happy with yourself now?” My mother started. “Now that you’ve disturbed the peace of this house, are you happy with yourself?” She said and walked away.

I felt bad but I was also aware that what she called peace wasn’t peace in any way, at least not in the true definition of it. Peace wasn’t burying things under the rug in the hopes that they would magically disappear someday. What I felt wasn’t peace, when I had all the raging feelings running inside of me.

I slumped into the chair and when the door closed behind Mum, my siblings turned to me.

“Preach girl!” Asa started.

“Finally, I was wondering if it was just cho cho cho and you were ever going to tell them how you felt.” Alex, my immediate junior brother stated and I let the tears fall.

“But you see how they’re reacting, it’s not like they accept my decision, not like I was banking on them accepting it in order to go through with the plan but you know, I was hopeful.”

I wanted to talk to Eghosa, my partner, but I didn’t want to lay all this on his shoulder. Ever since I had told him about my choice to not continue law and go into marketing, he always said it as it was without pushing me to make any decision and I admired his patience with me but I knew this was something that I needed to do.

“See ehn, in my eyes they didn’t react badly, this is something we’ve been used to from day one. We know Daddy, he’s going to start calling everyone he knows to talk to you and he’d just assume this conversation never happened. Highest thing he’ll try again to manipulate you, but if you don’t stand your ground, it’s only showing them that they could successfully manipulate you into doing what they want. They’ve been successful all these years and you sha need to start standing up for yourself.” Alex was really in an advisory mood and throughout the 22 years of his life, I had never heard such wise words from him.

“Everything he said, Nel. You know me, I’m your biggest supporter, my sugar mummy.” She pouted. “Me I just want you to be happy,” I laughed because only Asa could make light of such a serious situation.

The rest of the Easter holiday was spent in tension, my dad only answering my greetings and Mom only talking to me when she needed me to do something and to be honest, I was getting comfortable with it. I knew that if I was patient enough, they’d see that I wasn’t budging.

True to Alex’s words, my dad had called all the people he knew to talk to me and I had begun to screen calls after hearing different variations of, “Why are you making Daddy angry now? Ehn Ada.” I stopped listening to them after that.

It was now time for me to go back to school for my last round of exams before I was done and ready to move on with my life, doing what I actually intended to do.

There was a knock on my door and I knew it was Mummy from her trademark five-bang-knock as me and my siblings had coined it. “Come in,” I called out. “Mummy good morning,” I greeted as she seated on the bed beside me.

“Good morning oo, Chinelo. How was your night?” It was her first time asking me that since the dreaded argument four days ago.

“It was fine.”

“So this is how you want to go to school without making it up with your father?”

I knew it was coming and I decided to keep myself from the defensive. “Mummy, all I did was say the truth and I’m not backing out from my decision. If anything, it’s Daddy that’s supposed to make it up with me, but even I know that that’s too much to ask so I’m not expecting it. Do you know that he went to call everybody and that’s how every aunty and uncle from Adam has been calling me, even the ones I don’t know. He can’t try and talk to me himself and he’s going to tell other people to do it? Mummy please and to be honest, I’m even tired of expecting anything from him. Whether he wants to accept my decision or not, heaven will not come down because of it, we’ll all be fine.”

I knew she was expecting something different from me but when she saw that I wasn’t budging and she could make sense of my words, I could see the pride in her eyes that I knew she was never going to communicate and I settled in knowing that yes, her solidarity was with her husband, but she wasn’t against me either.

“Me, I’ve heard you, so is it that marketing thing you want to do after school?” I turned to her mouth agape. “What? I used to eavesdrop when gi na umu gi are discussing the thing.”

“And you never said anything?”

“Because I thought it was just a fantasy, not a real thing but I can see that you’re serious. Will it give you money?”

I had to laugh because I didn’t see that coming. “Mummy, anything can give you money if you’re serious enough with it, but yes, marketing will give me money.”

“Toh, because me I don’t want to hear that my daughter has become a lecturer one day because there’s no job oo.”

I laughed even harder. “Mummy, I’m not going to become a lecturer, that’s not what I want to be.”

“Very good.” She stood up. “What time are you leaving?”

“Around 11 or 12.”

“Let me go and make something for you to carry when you’re going and Chinelo?”

“Yes Mummy,”

“Don’t go and spoil in school oo, you have your last exams to finish. Go and do your best and come out with first class.”

It wasn’t an outright blessing, but it was something and knowing that she wasn’t against me and was coming around was all I could ask for. “Yes Mummy.”

She left my room and the smile on my face blossomed even more. Part of the burden I didn’t know I had been carrying around for the past four days lifted and I knew that anyhow anyhow, I was going to be fine regardless of what happened.

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Gi na umu gi ⸻ You and your siblings.

This isn’t a love story, not in the way I’d usually write it but this shows or depicts the reality of many Nigerian homes and more that, the love that exists between siblings. I’m learning more and more that I want to write more about the various dynamics of Nigerian relationships (not only the romantic aspect although that is still my major, thank youuu) in order to give us hope in Christ. I know that sometimes, our Nigerian dilemma be feeling as if there’s no way out, but I know that that isn’t true especially for those who are in Christ so well, I know this didn’t end in a resolution per se but it is real and I don’t have a more perfect ending than this.

Ephesians 6:1 [NKJV]: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with the promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.””

Ephesians 6:4 [NKJV]: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

In case you’re new here and are unaware, I published my debut novel, Redeemed, in September and since then, I’ve watched some of you show up for me and leave amazing reviews, it’s been nothing short of beautiful, humbling and rewarding all at the same time. Thank you and if you’re curious as to what it’s about, I’d leave pictures below. Both eBook and paperback versions are available and you can also check the link in my bio for more information. Thank you and God bless you plenty as you read🤍 Even if you don’t get it, that’s fine by me. You being here is enough for me. I love you!